So how can you stop your divorce and save it from destruction? And more importantly how do they make your marriage strong? Yes we know that not every marriage is the same and all people are different, but there are certain principles about love, marriage and relationships that stay the same.
There are ways to stop making the common mistake that makes break up and divorce imminent, but instead create stronger relationships. Is this possible for you? Of course it is!
Here are some of the common mistakes that we as imperfect humans have all most likely made which increases the possibility of divorce. I have also noted some instructions that you can follow now to turn the situation round.
Promising that you’ve changed
Here are some of the common promises made, “I have changed! I promise! I’ll never let you down again!”
DON’T
You must never do this. We have all done it, and it never works. My recommendation is not to promise that you’ll change. The trouble is, the more you try this, the worse your situation becomes because you are pushing them away. Even if you really mean to change, things have probably become so bad in the relationship that this will sound like a desperate promise that you don’t mean and are just saying to make them change their mind.
DO
So what does work? There’s not much you can say to show your ex partner that you intend to change. In that case there really is no point in saying anything. If you know that there is a need for you to change, don’t tell them that you will change, just change! Actions speak louder than words. Don’t make promises, just do what you’re supposed to do with your partner and do the things you need to do without paying any lip service.
Telling them that you love them
DON’T
You might actually mean this but your ex partner will interpret this as emotional blackmail. Especially if they do really love you but are hiding it because of their own insecurity, it can make them run away because it can make them feel vulnerable. This can make your situation worse. The words “I love you” are very powerful words and if they are said at the wrong time (i.e. during a break up!) can make you look pathetic.
DO
Leave them alone and let them do what they want to do. If you stop telling them that you love them they WILL want to know if you do. Questions will start popping up in their mind. They will suddenly have urges to make contact with you, even if they go about it in the wrong way. Doing this alone could turn your situation around straight away.
Arguing or Rowing
DON’T
Arguing and trying to get your partner to see your point of view is probably the worst thing you can do. Let’s be honest, in a break up they don’t want to see your point of view. You will be tempted with the urge to defend yourself with regards to what you might have said or with regards what you did. You might even throw the blame somewhere else, but one thing is for certain, the more you argue the more they will argue back or they will leave. If you take a negative course of action they will do the same. You might even win the argument (Hooray!), but you will not save the relationship.
DO
As I mentioned earlier DO NOT ARGUE. Instead Bite your lip! Be the first to apologise even if you are not in the wrong. Don’t get drawn into an argument even if they come out with the biggest lies. Do not be tempted into defending yourself. The thing to do is to agree with your partner no matter what you feel at the time. Do not defend yourself and add fuel to the fire. Doing this will more likely chill them out, and all of the hostility will die down, and will often lead your spouse to defending you later on down the line when they’ve had the time to calm down and analyse the situation. Once you dismiss the urge to win the argument your relationship will fix itself. You don’t have to try to fix it.
Aucun commentaire:
Enregistrer un commentaire